Kaisei Daloren

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The mystic mule deer in the forest shrine! guarding, ever ready to vanquish evil doers!

• About the Creator

• About my main fursona

• Canon art of my main fursona

• Noncanon art of my main fursona

• About my book

• First Psychosis

• Second Psychosis

• Third Psychosis

• About God and me

• Things I think are neat

Angel light colors and general metaphysics

I don't know how to make the images different sizes.Another thing that happened to me is I thought I was on a mission to become an angel during my first psychosis and would color code things already. Reportedly someone became one actually being Enoch as Archangel Metatron. I don't really talk to my angels much anymore after what God did to me.The metaphysical system of angel colors is based on seven different light rays, which loosely correspond to sunlight or a rainbow’s colors:Blue represents power, protection, faith, courage, and strength.
Yellow represents wisdom for decisions.
Pink represents love and peace.
White represents the purity and harmony of holiness led by Archangel Gabriel.
Green represents healing and prosperity .
Red represents wise service.
Purple represents mercy and transformation.When my mouse was changing colors and I was chanting things I was color coding and have already thought of purple as mercy like it shows here.They also identified one archangel who leads all the angels operating within each color ray. They are:Blue: Michael, leader of all the holy angels
Yellow: Jophiel, the angel of beautiful thoughts
Pink: Chamuel, the angel of peaceful relationships
White: Gabriel, the angel of revelation
Green: Raphael, the angel of healing
Red: Uriel, the angel of wisdom
Purple: Zadkiel, the angel of mercyMichael, the leader of all holy angels, is in charge of the blue angel light ray. Michael is known for his exceptional strength and courage. He’s a leader who fights for good to prevail over evil. He protects and defends people who love God. People sometimes ask for Michael's help to gain the courage they need to overcome their fears, obtain the strength to resist temptations to sin, and instead do what's right and stay safe in dangerous situations.Jophiel, the archangel of beautiful thoughts, is in charge of the yellow angel light ray. Jophiel helps people learn how to think in enlightening ways that can help them develop beautiful souls. People sometimes ask for Jophiel’s help to: discover more about the beauty of God’s holiness, see themselves as God sees them and recognize how valuable they are, seek creative inspiration, overcome the ugliness of addictions and unhealthy thought patterns, absorb information and study for tests, solve problems, and discover more of God’s joy in their lives.Chamuel, the archangel of peaceful relationships, is in charge of the pink angel light ray. People sometimes ask for Chamuel’s help to: discover more about God’s love, find inner peace, resolve conflicts with others, forgive people who have hurt or offended them, find and nurture romantic love, and reach out to serve people in turmoil who need help to find peace.Gabriel, the archangel of revelation, is in charge of the white angel light ray. People sometimes ask for Gabriel’s help to: understand the messages that God is communicating to them so they can grow in holiness, clear away confusion and achieve the wisdom they need to make decisions, obtain the confidence they need to act on those decisions, communicate effectively to other people, and raise children well.Raphael, the archangel of healing, is in charge of the green light ray. Raphael works to bring people closer to God so they can experience the healing peace that God wants to give them. He’s often associated with joy and laughter. Raphael also works to heal animals and the Earth, so people connect him to animal care and environmental efforts. People sometimes ask for Raphael’s help to: heal them (of illnesses or wounds that are physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual in nature), help them overcome addictions, lead them to love and keep them safe while traveling.Uriel, the archangel of wisdom, is in charge of the red angel light ray. People sometimes ask for Uriel’s help to: seek God’s wisdom before making decisions, come up with fresh creative ideas for how to serve people in need, learn new information, solve problems, resolve conflicts, let go of destructive emotions such as anxiety and anger that can prevent them from discerning wisdom, and recognize dangerous situations.Zadkiel, the archangel of mercy, is in charge of the purple light ray. Zadkiel helps people approach God for mercy when they've done something wrong, encouraging them that God cares and will be merciful to them when they confess and repent of their sins, and motivating them to pray. Just as Zadkiel encourages people to seek the forgiveness that God offers them, he also encourages people to forgive others who have hurt them and helps deliver divine power that people can tap into to enable them to choose forgiveness, despite their hurt feelings. Zadkiel helps heal emotional wounds by comforting people and healing their painful memories. He helps repair broken relationships by motivating estranged people to show mercy to each other.

Paranormal and the supernatural

Spirit orbs are circular anomalies often captured in photographs or videos, with their colors interpreted in spiritual and paranormal communities as reflections of the entity's energy or message. I reportedly saw many green orbs in the cemetery and a few back home in bed. I also saw an orange orb over my bed a little after my Grandpa died.White or Silver: Represents purity, the presence of guardian angels, and high-frequency divine protection.
Blue: Signifies truth, peace, psychic energy, and a calm presence offering spiritual guidance.
Green: Connected to nature spirits or the heart chakra, often representing healing, growth, and love.
Red or Orange: Linked to vitality, strong emotions, or a protective presence offering safety and security.
Purple or Violet: Symbolizes spiritual wisdom, higher consciousness, and transformation.
Pink: Represents unconditional love, compassion, and the energy of ascended masters or accepting spirits.
Black or Brown: Often viewed as a warning of negative energy, danger, or an earthbound entity with heavy vibrationsSpirit orbs indicate visits from higher beings or non-human spirits and messages from your higher self or Divine entities. While they're rare, when they do appear, they're a clear signal you need to pay attention.Spirits can see energies in the spiritual realm such as crystals. Spirits can type to you over a PC. I have pyrite, amethyst, quartz, copper, celestine, aragonite, calcite and himalayan salt rock for crystal energies and you can use that info what you will and do your own research into them.

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☣☣☣ I recommend you read my Psychoses #1, #2 and #3 before continuing here. ☣☣☣God has been close to me all my life in subtle but very real and powerful ways. From simple signs to actions that are signs. It's apparent I'm a special one in this life. Though I do hate him and I'll explain why below. Also have some things about me that I'm not exactly proud of but as for who I am it is apparent and have been on the fence about it for quite some time ever since my schizophrenia diagnosis started. Like I said in my first psychosis you will know my anguish and daily struggle with this read especially.I really dislike atheists because of their often nihilistic view of the world. It's incredible to think nothing exists that made this beautiful universe so vast and immeasurable I simply can't fathom atheists and almost hate them. I know you can't see God and he doesn't talk to you if you want but he doesn't have to make himself known we should live uninterrupted and that's how it simply is until you die. Unless you're someone like me. Also the agnostics need something to believe in and to do that something must happen to them for them to believe outright. I find it really sad and there seems to be a growing number of atheists and agnostics out there because older values are being dismissed and treated as naive to think that there is someone or something overlooking us in this modern age but there is there definitely is a higher power. One of my other missions is to change atheists to believers despite them not wanting to because I can't comprehend them. I know atheists probably think of me the same way but my testimonials are living proof that God is out there watching your every move. That we are on the path to righteousness or ruin of the soul and will go to one of two things based on if were good or bad being Heaven and Hell.Had three religious ecstasies comparable to some saints in my life where I would feel something touching my heart and would be warm and I would moan from an orgasm that I received because the feeling was so intense. The first religious ecstasy I had was when I came back from the cemetery during February 2017 after calling out for help from the universe and was just starting my psychosis. I came back to green spirit orbs surrounding my bed indicating healing energy and soon after it felt like I was being tickled and tossed and turned laughing on my bed for several minutes because the feeling was that strong. I felt like a child again! I couldn't explain it and often wondered if it was Jesus, a holy angel or the Holy Spirit visited me those nights as I was in bed. Mind you this was before I hated him. February 11, 2017, March 14th, 2017 and March 11th or so, 2018.Now beyond this is very very personal to me and what I strongly believe in. Just a warning that you may not want to go much further.God will rue the day that he ever showed a mortal that they were going to hell before it was their time. My hate for God knows no bounds.. it is equal to Lucifer's hate of God for ruining my life. No matter the way I word it to have God help me, to overturn it, to flat out dismissing a sin, to be with my family and be happy, nothing, he won't budge from his position it's simply the rules as he's shown me in a sign. No amount of sorry he's said from signs will change my mind about God, he is quite the fucker. I HATE HIM!There's times where saying/doing nothing is better than doing something. He overstepped his boundaries in a microcosm of time and I will never forgive a higher power for that. It was evil and a horrible thing to do to a mortal that has so much more life left despite God thinking of me as a bad person. I simply wanted to be in bliss for the rest of my days until the harsh truth at the end of my life unbeknownst to me, and not fearing God and being scared of my afterlife for the rest of the mortal life I have. HE STOLE THAT FROM ME.I simply asked him what I did wrong and he definitely answered me with many signs. So I guess it was my own damn fault but he should have eased off on the hell thing until I actually died even if he termed me bad. Who wants to hear or see that stuff when they are half way through life already. No one! As amazing as it was for God to even bring me signs like this should have been a blessing but it is in fact the opposite - a curse. Oh thank you God for showing me all that! NOT!!!For these very reasons I thought of myself as being THE Anti-christ of legend or simply an Anti-christ in this moment of time. I don't want to be but it's just a thought because isn't the Anti-christ someone who is the complete opposite of Jesus? A man of sin. Someone with no power, no authority, no following, an ordinary person and further, a mortal. People who think that the Anti-christ will be someone of power and be well known are dead wrong. If I am the Anti_christ I would want to be heard and have my message carried out. Either way I am a special one indeed.What I learned from my psychoses is that no matter what, if you sin you are going to Hell no ifs and or buts about it. It's really that simple and no there's no such thing as repentance and being saved from sin. Jesus didn't die for our sins to be taken away. No payment. YOU CANNOT SIN AND GO TO HEAVEN. IT'S NOT POSSIBLE. If you don't believe me and what happened to me, you will believe God when your judgement comes when you die. So few people see Heaven that it's one in 10,000 or even 50,000 while Hell would be one in 100 or 1,000. It's really a sad state of affairs but it's the truth. I know God is real 100% and he's not very nice to boot. He's too honest and truthful and tells it like it is even if it hurts. And it does, it really does. For this reason, you even see that I wanted to make a new order or change God's way of thinking early on in my first psychosis. I wanted to make a new order a neutral grey one that dismisses sin and just lumps us together somewhere on Heaven's plane with no more judgement because afterlife in Hell is unbearable and only really meant for Lucifer and his demons.Hell is cavernous and confined, dark, hot AND cold, while Heaven is open and airy, light, warm (the perfect temperature). Heaven has a sweet scent, life water (water that you can see a aura from if you didn't know), forests, plains, flowers, trees and clear "sunny" yet cloudy skies while Hell has a brimstone sulfur scent, huge fires, bugs (lots of them and they don't die), ash, stone and is dark as night with no sky. Heaven is blue and white with reportedly all kinds of color the human eye on Earth can't see normally while Hell is red and black and devoid of color or is just brownish. Hell is a place of demons where it is most uncomfortable, disgusting, loud and obnoxious, a place of depression, low, hatred, pain and misery. Heaven is a place of angels, it's very comfortable, beautiful, calm and quiet, a place of mania, high, love, orgasm and ecstasy. God is both Good and Bad and has all the sins on his shoulders. God shows his wrath on Earth but is strongest in Hell. Hell and Heaven are polar opposites in everything even location. Lucifer and his angels showed too much pride or envy and they were cast down in a bolt of lightning to Hell. You do not want to go to Hell trust me but in fact it may seem impossible to 'not' go there. And if you're wondering what made me put bugs there it was a demon who was possessing someone has said but that video is lost to time. They said and I quote: "so many bugs" "so many bugs" "it's horrid" "Heaven is a beautiful place, Lucifer was beautiful" I kinda blame Lucifer for rebelling and in turn making Hell a thing. Yep. It's a deadly secret that it has plenty of Humans that God didn't want you to know and I was his guinea pig. The only thing Jesus saves is your soul, not the sins attached to it, for you will be judged and put to Hell if you sin the Bible lies in that aspect.Numbers. Being age 29 at the time my psychoses started marks the end of part of my life and the start of something new that's what the number means, a departure. The number 29 also represents a powerful spiritual calling focused on soul mission and divine destiny and I called it into my own. I was destined to become the Anti-christ from this I fear.With my name it is even crazy to think of it all sometimes. My name is Adrien James Lucien but I won't tell you my last name you could guess it if you do some sleuthing though. The fact with my first name meaning "a body of water" has deep connection to the life, ministry, and identity of Jesus. James though meaning "supplanter" has ties with the Anti-christ meaning someone who takes the place of someone that was there first in this case God with myself and wanting a new order of gray light for instance. Lucien meaning "light" and also has ties with Jesus being "the light of the world" or being a "light" in Heaven as God himself. My last name meaning "a foreigner" or what Jesus is but a foreigner on Earth and from the Heavenly realms as God. As I said before even my nickname "Kaisei" means "reform" and "seastar" (again with a water reference) in Japanese and I wanted to reform God with a new order "The Order of the Grey Light". My name has biblical meaning! That has to mean something and is another reason why I think I may just be THE Anti-christ of legend. My Anti-christness started roughly at age 30 when Jesus started his ministry so there are also allusions to him. My occupation is an architect and Jesus was a carpenter both trade jobs and are creative as well, you could say God is the architect. Also my place of residence in White Plains could be a reference to Heaven. With wars and rumors of wars in this day and age as well. With people thinking it's the end times and everything with biblical events happening. 2000 years later everything reflects what is happening now. Just let it sink in for you as it has for me.I know it may be crazy to even think of yourself as the anti-Christ but everything is there. All my evidence. All the signs I've had which goes to twenty-something. To all the religious ecstasies I had being three and being someone with esoteric knowledge like spirits can see energies in the spiritual realm like from crystals for instance. Even my physical description is like a Jesus-like character but modernized. I am white, brown hair but short, blue eyed, I'm allergic to sulfites in wine (especially red), I'm a modern hermit with not many friends and still living with my parents. I don't know if Jesus had a troubled birth but I did too.Sorry for this tirade but I just want to be heard and understood that's all. From my point of view everything makes sense, I just want it to be the same for you. You've gotten this far so now's the time for you to decide!

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The culmination of my documentation:

• Emotion: My Spiritual Journey buy link

About:

A memoir short story of paranormal romance of two teens and their struggle to love each other over a spirit who intervened. Ben got possessed by a spirit and while possessed did some things Chelsea hated him for. He now must find a way to get through to Chelsea to love him again. Hardships arise as I am with him as we try to get through to Chelsea.The names have some significance:Chelsea’s name is Old English in origin and means “seaport”, a port landing for a ship such as a jetty, wharf or dock – or simply “a port of ships”. It also means “chalk landing place” and chalk rocks are usually white. Houston, Texas, where she lives is a port city on a ship canal.Benjamin's name is Hebrew in origin and means "son of the south" or "right hand of God" and his last name is Lui, which is Chinese in origin (liú) meaning to "kill or destroy". I'll let that sink in for you as the spirit "destroyed" a SWAT team using Ben. He lives in San Gabriel. Gabriel is Hebrew for "God is my strength." Who is Gabriel? An Archangel who is a messenger of God.Blake, the spirits name of "The Blade" is an old English name in origin. It means someone who has either a very dark or light complexion. Blake is a bipolar spirit with an extreme evil side and an extreme good.Bianca, Blake's twin sister who is the extreme good side and is attached to Blake, which is Italian in origin and means "white" or "shining".Carly, a spirit, who is Blake's love, is derived from the Old English name "ceorl" which means man, freeman, peasant and also small champion in Gaelic. Carly represents us mortal folk. Just so you remember Carly is attached to Chelsea.Jessica's name is Hebrew in origin and means "Rich" or "God beholds". The original Hebrew name means "foresight", or being able to see the potential in the future. She is one of the good spirits helping Benjamin who has the ability to see into the near future.Veronica's name is Latin in origin and means "true image" or "honest image" and her name is described as: saintly, sensuous, and strong. You can see more about her in the Bible. She is also a helper spirit for Benjamin who helps keep evil at bay. Benjamin was seeing a Gothic figure imprinted in his view whenever he felt Chelsea's pain. Veronica was the one that wiped Jesus's face with a rag and his image appeared on it.My nickname, Kaisei which I have been using since early 2016, is also the name of a ship built in 1987.A best friend of mine, whose name I will not reveal is involved in this. The meaning of his first name means "William" and is a short form of it which is Irish in origin. In Old German, these parts were merged into "willa" - which means "will" or "resolution," and "helma" which means "helmet." Put these together and it means "helmet of will" or "guardian". Another combination being: "resolute of protection" or another meaning being "strong-willed warrior." His second name is Old English in origin and is an occupational surname for a "civil guard" or a "keeper of the watch" while in Old Gaelic it means "son of the bard." A "keeper of the watch" and is someone who serves in a ships' watch and requires them to do special duties such as watch keeping from the port and starboard watches (or the left and right of a ship). He helped me overcome myself when I thought I had lost someone and then I continued to be with and supported Benjamin after our reconciliation. In other words, he helped me at the helm and to steer "the ship".If you didn't put it all together: me "the ship" was "steered" (helped) by my guardian to (Chelsea) - port shining white or Heaven where Carly is - where we mortals will go.God's timing:
February 11th and 26th were both days of significance in the “story” line. Two opposite things happened on those days. There were definitely certain energies being thrown about. A lunar eclipse, snow moon and comet one day and a solar eclipse at the end. The day things went full circle with darkness and evil and I felt changes happen to me and had my purpose given to me and the other day when things were happy and good again when Benjamin and Chelsea came back together.During the snow full moon, lunar eclipse and comet on February 10th into the 11th I dealt with Blake a powerful spiritual entity in the Los Angeles area that can possess, has red eyes and can move terrifyingly fast like a Dragon Ball Z Warrior. He incapacitated a SWAT team using his hands to pierce them and left bits of Benjamins hand in their lungs somehow. The bullets do nothing to him when possessed like that. As he said "is this my weapon?" "I cannot die". God's little secret that he let two people know about. Me and his big brother at the hospital that night. This is all in my book and what caused me to become a paranoid schizophrenic. All very real God is my witness and brother Anthony Lui and SWAT team members that are still alive.It's an amazing story I recommend it! For me and Benjamin to have met at this crucial time and for all that has happened is nothing short of spectacular. If you notice the book cover is AI it is because I had no idea the guy used AI and just accepted it as is that it was an honest to goodness illustration, an image he found on the internet and simply retouched it. I'm sorry if you won't buy the book because of that, I'm being honest here that the story is really good and should be made as a movie one day.If you think this is untrue or not real guess again because I wouldn't have paid 3000$ for everything if it wasn't real or true you have my word. Spirits are real, the situation was dire and real so help me God with him as my witness. I'm neither crazy nor naive and if you're a skeptic let this be your awakening.

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Still in construction. Still trying to understand how to use this site.First I'll start by saying my hobbies and interests which includes the furry fandom (of course), listening to music (rock, metal, edm mostly), playing video games, love architecture (my profession, yes, deerchitect :3), I write (have a book published named Emotion: My Spiritual Journey (a paranormal romance true to life story about a teen and a spirit - a first of its kind)), love to cook a wide array of cuisines and am quite the foodie and like to eat healthy. I love cultures different to mine and love to travel. I like to collect crystals and go on nature walks as well.Like I said before I am very much like my main fursona (my second sona not so much if at all) as I'm kind-hearted, easy-going, passionate, mysterious and introverted. I'm apolitical and support trans rights for instance.My nickname, Kaisei which I have been using since early 2016, is also the name of a blue sailing ship built in 1987 – the year I was born. It means "seastar" and also means “reform” in Japanese. Even with all the nautical references my sona isn't associated with the sea.With my full name etymology, James one of my middle names, meaning “supplanter” and is derived from the Hebrew name Jacob meaning one who takes the place of someone or something that was there first and Lucien which is Latin in origin, meaning “light”. My first name being Latin based, meaning “water” or “sea”, a body of water. My last name which I won’t provide either is Welsh in origin and means “Welshman”. The origin of the English word for Welsh last names is an AngloSaxon (German) word “wealisc” which means “a foreigner.”I have published a paranormal romance book you can read more about in my "About my book" section. I have also made a epic science fiction story of a Knex race from my childhood/teenhood
just search kaisenati on Deviantart you should find it just make sure you read it in order but for the most part follows the plot sequence of Mario bros Z that I was into at the time.I love cooking and am quite the foodie and have a Turkish dinner recipe I recommend (recipe at end of this page). I love all kinds of cuisine from Asian; Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Thai, Vietnamese, Indian to Mediterranean with: Turkish, Greek, Italian, Moroccan, Algerian, Tunisian, Spanish and European central; with French, Hungarian and German and Latin cuisine with Mexican, Cuban, Brazilian and Peruvian. I love a varied culinary diet and eat quite healthy.I haven't actually held many jobs but would love to find work in architecture designing or otherwise. I love the architecture profession I could work over hours and still absolutely love it. Nothing makes me happier career-wise than working on an architecture project.I've actually been having great trouble finding work and promised myself that I wouldn't work a random job anymore. I'm tired of that and it's degrading and no longer interests me. Let's just say I'd rather be homeless than dishwashing and If I can't find a job in architecture or related profession then that's it, the system has failed, I didn't fail the system.THERE SHOULD BE ARCHITECTURE JOBS OUT THERE FOR ANYONE TO TAKE. IT SHOULDN'T BE IMPOSSIBLE LIKE IT HAS BEEN FOR ME FOR THE PAST YEAR (2025).If I were Elon Musks best friend (I'm sure he can give everyone a million dollars in the US and homelessness would be solved but he's not a nice man full of greed) I would be set for life and I was so close to having two million dollars but that's a different complicated story I wish not to go to.

My likes

My dislikes

Let's make facism a forgotten ideology! death to facists! Punch a facist today!LGBTQIA+ and Transgender/agender/nonbinary safespacePeople can be illegal if they came to a country and try to live in it without being on the radar with ID and a test to become a US or citizen of any country. It's by definition an illegal immigrant.I believe in NACAB or not all cops are bastards.

• Turkish dinner recipe

• My facebook (couldn't fit it and it would look uneven on my homepage)

• My f-list to see my kinks (I don't have many, mainly huge boobs and macro which I don't consider a kink or fetish)

my hate for certain things:

Politics
I have a hatred of politics in general and haven't voted on my own terms before. If I were in Australia I would have to pay a fine/go to jail each time I had to vote as I would be militantly against voting. You shouldn't be forced to vote, it's ok not to like politics, it's ok not to vote. What's not ok is being forced to vote with punishment (that's a communist territory mandate and Australia should be ashamed). Don't even get me started that it's my citizenship's duty to vote. Just NO THANKS. Politics divides us more than you know and I have a strict rule of no politics talk during dinner for any reason whatsoever. Democrat or Republican? I say neither and just live life as a dot of humanity first. The divide is so strong that Democrats are actually killing Republicans now and not the other way around as I haven't heard of any Republican person killing a Democrat. It's a horrible world out there when you die for your beliefs. I don't understand how people are radicalized into thinking it's my way or the highway or they're simply a bigot or facist for what they believe in when it's not true. You could say I'm a Republican because I was raised by Republicans but I'd rather not label myself as such even though I think most Democrats don't make any sense to me and prefer more Republican values plainly and just. I don't know where I stand politically on a compass because frankly I don't care.Government
As for the military part of government, I was never drafted but I was asked to join the military numerous times but each time my mom said I had severe scoliosis and wouldn't be strong enough to support myself so they never contacted us again after three tries. I support our military like anyone should but it isn't for me. The government doesn't do me any favors and I don't support it whether a Democrat or Republican is in power. It's a failed system the higher ups have all the power and the people have nothing and it's fucking up our country. For example, the rich can end hunger and homelessness in America and maybe the world but they are greedy and only want the money for themselves, for profit. The average human can live off 1-3 million dollars, there's no reason anyone should be a billionaire or even trillionaire. It should be outlawed seriously and all their money should go to whoever needs it most. There should be a limit to how many millions of dollars you have. I'm not exactly an anarchist but I feel like we should just govern ourselves in a way that no one has all the power or say over millions but it's hard to just convert to that so we are stuck in a system that's failing as people get poorer and poorer and money is inflating and the dollar is losing value. It is a really sad state of affairs really because we are powerless to stop it and the new world order controls how everything works. Creating fear and instability in the people is how they operate and they don't have our best interests at heart. So here we are running around with our heads cut off.Horror and dark humor
Horror themes is a big turn off for me as I don't like being scared to any extent as I was terrified from something Saw-related happening to me and The Ring, even supernatural, scared me as a teen and I have some PTSD from watching them. They affected me that much, I don't understand why you would want to be scared I don't understand people who like that stuff. It's not for me and shouldn't be for you either and that's my stance.Dark humor is another turn off for me as I can't laugh at something really horrible happening like 9/11 or war memes. They're horrible. Just no don't even joke about it. Not for me, shouldn't be for you either. Sorry, not sorry.Online conversation
This could also apply to irl conversation. What I really hate is when people start ghosting even though they probably don't mean it but it is quite annoying. I hate when people don't have conversation "health" or people who don't contact me in one or 2 days of first interaction. It's irritating! Communication is key and so is organization and management. You shouldn't have social media if you have abysmal communication and that's a fact for me. Sometimes people fall off the face of the Earth or stopped communication with me and it's just sad man. That online friend you had just becoming a busy wart and leaving no time to converse with friends. I know people change and are stuck in their ways but come on ANSWER ME ALREADY PLEASE!!

About my kinks and porn preferences:

First I'll say I prefer boobs over any other genitals even pussies. No cocks at all as I'm not gay lol. I even go the extra mile to find boob pictures without cocks in it lol. Despite having my fursona naked and showing his cock I don't mind it when it's my own art I commissioned such as with Topaz my Falcon Gryphon railing many ladies. He is my antagonist fursona and completely unlike me showing my heterosexual side. I like boobs being fairly big and think you're not a true woman unless you have at least a B cup. I don't like no boobs to A cups on women they just don't look feminine enough to me and will be an awkward time if I'm around you and you have that. I might even misgender you if you have short hair as well so I recommend breast size expansion to at least a B cup for everyone with small boobs. I hate innie nipples if you can call them that. For porn it ruins the picture for me I'm that hateful of them. When It comes to fantasy sizes I like them pretty huge to macro sizes to the size of stars or galaxies essentially. I don't like milky boobs and like the art to be quite clean with no bodily fluids so no milking for me. If it's a good sized boob I'll probably like it haha. I love just looking at those melons it just makes me happy and releases endorphins (I think that's what they're called) they are even healthy for a male to look at because it helps our hearts reportedly and the bigger they are the happier I am. Thank you God for boobs lol. If you want to share in the glory of big boobs join my Telegram: @BigTiddyFurries! - t.me/BigTiddyFurriesAs for macro and micro I just love it and don't understand any hate it has both as NSFW and SFW. You could say that episode of Rocko's Modern Life where Rocko was a giant got my liking of big things. I prefer Macro over micro if I were to choose. I seriously don't know why it is considered a kink I find it silly to lump it with scat or watersports and unbirthing or hyper, it's pretty tame stuff so I think everyone should enjoy it. NSFW art of macro stuff isn't that bad really or is it just me.I have one watersports art because I wanted my sona peeing in the shower (in which he's actually peeing on the floor). I was just so excited about getting the art piece done that I didn't even notice the artist drew him peeing on the floor and already too late to change anything so I have those people wondering why he didn't just let it go down the drain lol. I'm ok with watersports and don't understand why it's so disliked by people. Only when you start peeing on each other or peeing in one's mouth does it get disgusting and is pretty tame otherwise. If I have to piss during shower time I always piss in the shower all the time to save money from flushing a toilet and don't see it as disgusting. Down with people who dislike it.Scat is where it actually does get disgusting for me and I really don't like it especially if someone eats it. Just yuck! deplorable! same goes with drinking piss. There's a fineline of what I do and don't like.Hyper pregnancy I don't really like same goes for a lot of things I really don't care about which includes bdsm and hyper cocks and balls. I really don't like vore and especially digestion scenes. Zoophiles are just scum of the earth for me even the non contact ones. No doubt they're just thinking about it which also makes them just as bad. So I never was for zoophile art. Feral porn is as far as I'll go but even that has bad connotations and is looked at as zoophile art as well. Also babyfurs I don't like especially if it's cub porn just no thanks. Also fat blobs I don't care for and dislike same goes for overly muscular furs or hyper muscle you can call it is a big no for me. It's a big turnoff for me if you're muscular, especially overly muscular women. It's nice to be in shape but it's unnatural to have highly visible muscle tone so just sorry in advance if you're a bodybuilder but just stay clear from me. Inflation I'm not into but I'm ok with cum inflation. Intense gore and blood I'm against. I'm ok with bondage and shibari. I'm not into any pain kink either this includes ballbusting and wax among other things. Also worship is just silly stuff I don't understand it but I could be ok with breast worship hence boobs.

Things that terrify me:

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A mule deer guardian of a sacred shrine deep in the woods of Psidae in the Kingdom of Zesnia of the deer lords. A master of the mystical arts with a conjured sapphire storm elemental, bound sword and shield of full sapphire with runic markings and the ability to turn spectral at will and can move like the wind.Clothed in a black cape and pants with cyan blue markings offset and adorns a sapphire necklace. The sapphires in the ground power up his magic along with his sapphire necklace and natural sapphires growing in his antlers. A gentle spirit unless provoked or by an infiltrator of the holy shrine.As a youth he always thought of himself as different to anyone else, he had a normal childhood but then he lashed out during highschool at 15 and hurt some people bullying him with his powers. He left quite the spectacle with many shocked at his display, he then thought that he would never be normal like everyone else. His family didn't support him well enough and soon went to college to study anthropology and a minor in psychology at the University in Goerthe, Zesnia at 18.By 22, a group of guardians approached him and he joined them and was taught to fight in the mystic arts. He felt at ease with himself for once finally getting his calling to be a guardian with his powers and has been ever since. At 24, he only knows the guardians of the woods as he protects an ancient shrine and is usually quite lonely but this doesn't bother him. He likes practicing his fighting technique to stay as sharp as possible.There will however be noncannon art of Kaisei but no sexual art of him as he's asexual. Kaisei is basically me through and through but half of my sexuality. My reference sheet doesn't reflect that he is now an asexual. He is also demi-aromantic like me.Here is an exhaustive detailed entry of my fursona showcasing his powers and information about him and his environment using grok from xwitter:Your mule deer fursona is a formidable guardian of their sacred forest shrine, their onyx-black coat shimmering like a starless night, adorned with vibrant cyan spots that glow across their back like celestial embers in a twilight sky. These electric-cyan dots pulse with mystical energy, resonating with the shrine’s otherworldly aura. Patches of light arsenic—a soft, silvery-gray with a faint greenish tint—grace their slender legs, neck, and flanks, lending a frosted, ethereal elegance that mirrors the shrine’s enchanted ambiance. Sharp cyan accents streak through their fur: glowing cyan spots on their back, a rim around their large, alert ears, and a vivid splash across their angular muzzle, amplifying their arcane, sentinel-like presence. Their antlers, with distinct separate forks, rise with regal symmetry, embedded with sapphires that sparkle with the shrine’s ambient glow, the deep blue gems glinting at each prong’s base or dangling like delicate talismans. A sapphire necklace hangs around their neck, its rich blue gemstone centerpiece shimmering against their arsenic-dusted chest the chain swaying with their movements. A flowing black robe or cape drapes over their form, its velvety fabric rippling like liquid shadow, with a vibrant cyan lining that flashes brilliantly, echoing the cyan spots and accents, as if woven from the shrine’s sacred light. The forest shrine they protect is a breathtaking sanctuary, its trees crowned with translucent blue leaves that shimmer like sapphires, casting a cerulean glow across the glade. Rocks and boulders stud the ground, embedded with raw, uncut sapphires that glimmer like fragments of a cosmic sky, harmonizing with the guardian’s adornments. The air hums with arcane energy, the blue-leaved canopy whispering secrets of ancient magic.Powers and Combat Style: Your fursona wields the mystic arts with masterful grace, their combat style a fluid dance of arcane precision and supernatural finesse, reminiscent of a sorcerer weaving spells in a whirlwind of motion. They fight with an otherworldly elegance, their movements blending the agility of a mule deer with the disciplined flow of a mystic warrior, channeling energy through gestures and incantations that shimmer with cyan and sapphire hues.Spectral Form: At will, they can turn spectral, their body phasing into a translucent, ghostly state that glows with a faint cyan aura. In this form, they become untouchable, slipping through physical attacks and moving like a wisp through the shrine’s blue-lit glade. Their spectral presence allows them to pass through solid objects, evade enemies, or appear suddenly behind foes, their sapphire necklace and antler gems glowing brighter as anchors to their physical form.Bound Sapphire Sword and Shield: With a gesture, they summon a radiant sword and shield forged entirely of gleaming sapphire, their deep blue surfaces pulsing with arcane energy. The sword is sleek and double-edged, its blade shimmering with a cyan edge that cuts through both physical and magical defenses with precision. The shield, broad and slightly curved, glows with intricate runes that flare cyan when deflecting attacks, capable of absorbing or redirecting magical energies. These bound weapons materialize and vanish at their command, drawn from the shrine’s sapphire-infused essence.Sapphire Elemental Storm: Your fursona can unleash a sapphire elemental storm, a tempest of swirling blue energy that erupts from their outstretched antlers or a sweeping gesture of their robe. This storm manifests as a chaotic vortex of sapphire shards and cyan lightning, tearing through the air like a blizzard of glowing gems. The storm can batter enemies, encase them in crystalline prisons, or create a protective barrier of whirling sapphire fragments around the shrine. The storm’s energy resonates with the shrine’s blue-leaved trees and sapphire-studded rocks, amplifying its power in their sacred domain.Their large, soulful eyes—glowing cyan to match their accents—burn with arcane wisdom and fierce resolve, reflecting their deep connection to the shrine’s magic. Their glowing cyan hooves glide silently across the mossy earth, and their bushy tail, with a cyan streak, flicks with a spark of defiance. This fursona is a mystic protector, a spectral warrior whose sapphire-bound powers and elegant combat style make them an unstoppable force within their enchanted forest shrine, a beacon of grace and power in a realm where nature and magic intertwine.

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For this psychosis, not a lot happens like the one before it but there's a lot of signs from God. I am found to be having one more readily and that my parents knew about it early on and knew what to do this time. It's crazy with the fact it happens around the same time as my first, just a year later.It was the daytime and me and my dad went for a walk. I remember walking past this woman that was standing in the city limits part of the sidewalk (near the roadside) and she continued looking at me. Idk if she was actually there or not - to this day I don't know if she was a real person or just my imagination because it was odd for her to be standing where she was like she was waiting for me. I later thought of her as an angel in human form. Thoughts I was the Antichrist soon flooded my mind. As me and my dad were walking I swore he was possessed or something with some of the things he said or that I thought he said. I was frightened by this and didn't know what to think. Did Blake the spirit come to possess my dad again like last year? but it was just me thinking that. I didn't tell my parents that my feelings were changing for the worst. I returned home and again thought of the minifigure of my house being how the world is separated. At this time, I don't think I remember what happens until the nighttime so sorry for that. I had dinner and remember thinking the cats leaving and coming back to me were signs from God. My gray cat meant something like apocalypse (I forget) and my black cat meant death. While I was watching tv I was thinking about hell from all the fire I saw on the cooking channel. At night I remember thinking I would die in my room (the sheets were grey and black) and that I didn't want to sleep in my room or the couch but wanted to go to heaven. I remember being at my desk and thinking the rapture would start. I had my eyes closed and I could envision people being beamed up. Then later I told my parents that I wanted to sleep in my sister's room so I slept in my sister's room (which I thought was heaven to me). I remember having some demonic thinking that I would literally become a demon from my sins basically. I would be a demon in heaven and I thought the light there would hurt me because of my sins. For some reason I wanted to sleep with the lamp on and my parents probably thought this was strange. In the afternoon I woke up and I thought God hated me at this moment in time and was really upset and would wail and such with terror in my voice and my mom was there to witness it. That was when they knew something was wrong and told me that God doesn't hate me. After I got up I remember sitting at "God's Throne", the bench at the top of the stairs. I was then driven to the psych ward. While driving there there was a lot of damage to the trees from the storm we had. Again having a storm during my psychosis. While I arrived they did the usual frisk for anything I shouldn't have on me and we started to wait. I remember looking outside and seeing what I thought were 3 angels in the sky (a brilliant golden glow in a whispy spiritual way). I should have told my parents what I saw but I didn't at the time. When I was at the psych ward I remember seeing flies seemingly appear from nowhere around me and thought that I was a "Lord of the Flies".Now the things that happen here happened later on and are signs of God. As I was walking around the ward I get to my end and as I continued walking I remember seeing someone to my left. I stop and then they walk past me and then I continue to walk and as I continued I smelt brimstone and it made me think of hell. Now I am wondering why I smelt that at that time and thought God was trying to tell me something. I was wondering about that person and started following them and as I got to them they were at their dorm room doorway and they turned around and as I was thinking of hell, nodded like it was a confirmation I was going to it. At this time, I thought God was possessing this person specifically for me to get a sign from.The second sign was when I was trying to atone for my sins and would try to think of every seven deadly sins at the time like it was a test. I then asked God what I did wrong as I was sitting in bed. It was dark but I could see my roommate. I then saw my roommate doing a masturbation gesture as he was sleeping. I just couldn't believe what I just saw. I was horrified into thinking that I was going to hell. I woke up with my right hand right over my privates and my left over my stomach (being the things of instinct more so than word of mouth or heart being not things of instinct but sentiment). In other words God and his angels use things from the mouth and heart (Jesus always had his hand over his heart and spoke the truth), while the devils or demons rule by instinct and are primitive with the stomach and privates. It also scared me.. like how could I have known to move my hands to those two places in my sleep? Very strange.I was just in denial of what I saw both times but God again gave me another sign that wasn't too nice either. We were playing a call it out game (which I wasn't too good at) and I remember getting the cards throne, fool and root canal (pain of hell) in order. Throne for throne of God, Fool for me apparently (what God thinks of me and the fact that I can simply ask him to undo sin, which is not true - in turn making me a fool). I also remember cheating and looking at the guy's card next to me and blurting out the answer. I wasn't thinking straight from the sign I received and I felt bad for that especially.When I was working on some art at the ward someone asked me if I finished something and said to them "I didn't get to it" - being heaven. I'm unsure or not if this was a sign but it only validates things that were happening.I was playing Scrabble now in the cafeteria with my parents. The game just started but all I had as a word to make was the word "bad". It was clear he meant that I was bad and not good then.A smaller sign I noticed was when we were playing the sequence card game in the cafeteria with my parents and sister that he made the person with the red chips win two times (and I was the blue chip). Red being hell and blue being heaven.I admit the cats coming back to me and leaving the room was just coming from my line of thinking then. It was actually there to get me accustomed to seeing signs more readily I think. Though the two-three big ones are more like it and scare me to this day. You just had to be in my shoes in my mode of thinking then.

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This psychosis was hallucination heavy but still had some intense delusions and scary things happened. At the end I often wondered if I should have put this info down but it's set in stone and I want to be heard no matter how crazy it all sounds.When I was at Venice I remember thinking that I was going to heaven a lot (I thought I had a sign while I was at a bar in White Plains that I would be "going up" because of what someone said but it in fact wasn't one). During one of the days in Venice, I remember coming to one of the boat piers for transport and as I was thinking of heaven, I look behind me and could see a lady sitting down staring at me pretty heavily with a serious face and shaking her head at me like I did something wrong. I was put off guard by this and didn't know what to think as I thought I had a sign a few weeks before while at home and got scared again that I was going to hell. Later in the day, I continuously was thinking certain thoughts and I remember people in the crowd behind me saying "finito" pretty loudly which meant it was God saying to stop my line of thinking that I was going to heaven.
Somewhere in Italy I remember seeing tons of flies and a misty/foggy/dusty look to some areas in the wilderness when we were driving. I started to feel different when we arrived at this hotel. I thought a fly had appeared out of nowhere again. I told my mom about it but she wasn't aware I was thinking differently then. I had thought of God being scared when the whole Lucifer rebellion of heaven happened and really pushed that agenda to God. I said in my mind something like “you were scared that Lucifer was going to take over. You were scared then”. I then had a sensation on my heart that was hot like God was punishing me for thinking that. We were going to San Marino Prima Torre but it was rained out as there was a storm that went through at the time. I thought the music I was listening to on my ipod was God trying to communicate to me with one song being God is an automaton or basically a machine. The storm was pretty intense as some lightning strikes happened and I thought it was literally angels being cast down into hell like with Lucifer. Then I remember going to a hotel in Balogna and not doing much that day but sleeping there. Before I went to sleep I remember looking over my bed and there being lights from flames in the darkness. I got scared that it was hell again and wanted to go to sleep. I woke up and had breakfast and then was blacked out and don't remember the entire day. Later on woke up, had breakfast and then we went on a drive to the airport. This was when I thought I saw 5 angels out in the wilderness that day and were in a brilliant white light. My mom told me it was planes but I didn't think so as some were staionary. This was when my parents knew some psychosis was happening to me. Then I went on a plane to Paris. At night, I remember having stronger lights with flames in the darkness again. It was kind of blue looking this time. Nothing strange happened that day but I remember having this like heavy fog inside the Paris airport. As I was entering the plane I thought God was trying to tell me something - as on the way in there was a red mat and it was cold (there was an airvent). He was trying to tell me that Hell was cold on the way in. As I walk onto the plane I remember sitting by the engines on the wing. While we were still on the ground, I remember a bird flying in place and the lights of a parking ramp going berserk which started to scare me a bit. I showed my mom the bird but she said it was normal. While we were in the air I started fearing for the worst like God wanted me to die on this plane. I started to get scared, closed my eyes and put my hand on my mom's lap for support. I started hearing a lot of people clipping their seatbelts and coughing. At the time I also thought that God hated my fursona because I was also thinking about it a lot to possibly make me less scared. I thought it was a game to me of not thinking about my fursona. I also swore someone said something meant for me in the middle seats behind us or I "heard that". I was just relieved when we touched down. When I reached the US customs area I overheard a guard and two others saying something like "someone with their head chopped off something something". I thought it was God trying to scare me again into something else at the time (my parents getting possessed and killing me in my sleep).In fact not much happened for a few weeks now which made the next part feel like another psychosis. I remember one time my mom told me to go outside and test the new kayak she got. I was sitting there in the kayak being happy. Then idk if this is the same day but we went on a walk and my mom said someone had given me a Jesus Saves sign on a bus stop (it was removed someday after). Then I remember returning home and taking a shower and as I got out of the shower I saw a perfect "A" written from the condensation on the mirror and in my mind said it meant Antichrist then kind of went crazy a little thinking I was the Antichrist from this event. I was there in the bathroom for 30 minutes in a towel only. My mom opened the door and was concerned I was there for so long. I don't remember what I told her but she knew something wasn't right. I remember coming out and having dinner like normal and then we had some oreos for dessert. In my head I had some inserted thoughts that I thought were from God that this would incur the end of the world somehow. I forget how it happened but I quickly told myself that "the bombs will fall" became hysterical in my room and started to think I had to cry to stop it. I said to my parents I didn't need to go to the psych ward but they thought it would be best that I did the next day. After I calmed down I went to my sister's bed (remember that I thought her room meant heaven again), and there I saw fire on the ceiling before going to sleep. When I woke up we started to drive to the psych ward. Then I remember having some more inserted thoughts that the end of the world was happening and would tell this to my parents as they were driving. When we got there, I continued to have these thoughts as we were waiting to see my psychiatrist and I remember closing my eyes trying to cry and not listening to what anyone says as I thought that God really wanted me to cry to stop the end of the world from happening. My therapist also being there. I eventually stopped and then we walked outside over to the place where they take you in and they frisked me for anything I shouldn't have on my person. I waited and got into the ward and I don't quite remember what happens there other than the fact I had 3 really big hallucinations. In order they are as follows: I was in the guest area cafeteria with my parents and saw hallucinations of small cartoon style animations on all the walls where I would look and would tell my parents about them and in the doorway was a pirate skull. After this they brought a wheelchair for me and I blacked out. Now in my room I wake up only to have some scary sights. What I could see was straight hell. I saw huge fires with kind of a cavernous look to it. I saw fire all over the place for a good 5 minutes. One flame even felt like it was from a game how realistic it was. It looked "digital". Looking into the dark "as I call it" was where the fires were and there were fires when I looked at the side of a tall dresser. The next night I remember it being really odd what I saw and experienced. I woke up to some sort of sticky almost gooey substance on the walls and everywhere in the room. Something that looked like a dragon went into my face with this substance. I remember getting up from my bed and the stuff seemed to react to me touching it. I remember touching a lot of areas and it reacting to my hand being there. Some looked like stacked cups and things. For some reason I see this substance as "my sins"... After this I had many signs throughout my life about Hell and Heaven and have been very close to God to my detriment. Each sign was perfectly executed and timed perfectly without a doubt. It was NOT Lucifer as some people tell me it is.

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